The end is near

It happened. The Monkey flat-out refused to nurse this morning. I’ve known that the day was coming, but it still broke my heart. After nearly a year of experiencing that sweet bond that only a mother and her child can have, I know now that my days really are numbered. She nursed several other times later in the day, but the early morning shunning was a heart-breaker. I hate pulling out my pump on the weekend, but there was no other way I was going to get any relief this morning. My sweet baby opted for pancakes with homemade mixed berry syrup instead of spending 10 minutes snuggling with mommy.

The thing is that I’ve known this day would come. After she bit me and drew blood a few months ago, I joked that she was only going to get a year – if that. It was pretty much day-by-day for awhile. She has since sprouted 2 more teeth (for a total of 8) but we’ve found a nice equilibrium where I nurse her until she starts acting frantic/exhausted. At that point, I put her to bed, give her a sippy cup of water or juice, or grab a quick snack.

I’m not quite sure why I feel so conflicted. I recently started reducing the frequency of feedings (i.e. pumping sessions). And I was thrilled beyond belief when the Monkey slept through the night five nights in a row. I want my body back and have been looking longingly at the rest of my wardrobe – you know, the dresses and slim-fit shirts that are impractical when you may have to feed or pump every few hours.

But I still love the closeness and the one-on-one time nursing provides. And since I nursed her older sister for 18 months, part of me feels that the Monkey’s getting the short end of the stick yet again. She not only gets second-hand clothes, toys and bedding, but she also gets less – if any - routine alone time with mommy and daddy, and fewer months nursing. I realize (and have told many others) that every child is different and that you can’t treat kids the same, but this is one area where I really hoped I could give each of my girls the same thing. What I didn’t count on, though, was that the Monkey would come out weighing one and a half pounds more than her sister or that she’d have eight teeth by her first birthday! The Squid had less than that when I stopped nursing her at 18 months.

I know this isn’t the end of the world. I was able to nurse the Monkey several times throughout the day. And even if she had flat out refused again, I know that I don’t have to worry about her getting enough to eat. The girl is a mini-eating machine who happens to love and adore me. Deep inside, I know that her refusal to nurse is not a rejection of me – it’s a sign that she’s growing up and starting to assert her independence. Right now, though, it still feels like she rejected me.

For all nursing mammas

UPDATE: This blog post was featured on ChickTalkDallas on Monday, Dec. 13, 2010. Thanks, Joanna! Visit chicktalkdallas.com for real women, real discussion. 

WARNING: Stop reading if you don't want to know about nursing and/or nursing bras or if words like chrissake offend you. I talk about boobs, too.

I've debated back and forth about whether I should write about my measly bra selection because with everything going on in my friends lives and the greater world around us, it's a bit of a so what? But, as the saying goes, I've reached a breaking point. Surely, there are others like me. There have to be other moms in my situation, so here goes: I want a sexy, lacy, underwire nursing bra in a color OTHER than white or nude.

I am sick and tired of rotating between a white cotton bra and a nude cotton bra. They're comfortable, but surely someone out there has another color- any color. At this point, I'd settle for lime green or Pepto-Bismol pink. Anything different. I mean, seriously folks! Victoria's Secret can make my normal 34B's feel which are now 38C's feel like 34DDD's but they can't make a sexy nursing bra in something other than white or nude.

I have to give VS credit for making and selling them at all - many stores/companies - don't, but the selection needs at least one addition. I have a VS Gold Card, for chrissake, yet it has rarely been used in three years because I nursed my first child for 18 months and my second one is on month 11 as we speak. There was about a year in there where I stocked up on a few necessities, but bra shopping when you're pregnant and likely to change sizes multiple times over the next year isn't very practical or economical. And a girl can only spend so much on panties....so I've avoided VS like the plague and kept my pretty Gold Card tucked away in my dresser drawer, longing for the day when it'll resurface as my most-used store credit card.

I know some of you may say that there are other brands besides VS. This is very true. Playtex makes a nice nursing bra that I'm wearing right now. I have two of them - one in white, one in nude. I'd love a black one, but they don't seem to exist in my size. Other colors don't seem to exist either. I seem to recall that I had a Maidenform nursing bra that actually had lace on it when I was nursing my first child. That one died a long, long death - 18 months of 6-8 feedings a day will do that to a girl.

Which gets me back to my original point - what's up with plain jane nursing bras? Bra companies can make prepubescent girls feel like they have Madonna's cones strapped to their chest, but the very women who spawned those new customers can't even rate one new option in the color department?

Do you think I'm asking too much? I don't think so. All I'm really asking for is another color -- one more color. I'll even pay more. I won't sign over my first-born but I and I imagine many other long-term nursing moms would fork over a bit more cash for a few more colorful options.

It's true that all this would be moot if I stopped nursing. I could wear my normal bras and the rest of my wardrobe, for that matter, but that's not an option currently on the table. I'll stop nursing when I'm ready and that's not now, so don't go there.

And don't tell me that it can't be done, either. I know it can. After all, if VS can make women who don't need bras feel like supermodels, then surely they can dye a couple thousand nursing bras pink... or purple...or blue...or grey...or red... you get my point.