Monday, August 30, 2010

I survived a vampire mauling

It's true. A deliriously adorable female vampire we call "the Monkey" recently mauled my breast. I won't reveal which one, but needless to say, I have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it. There was nothing vindictive about the attack -- 8-month-old's don't know about vindictiveness -- but it hurt like hell and that evening's meal came to a quick end as the baby was put to bed and I retreated to the bathroom for antiseptic and an assortment of bandages.

Most of my friends think I've been spending too much time absorbing all-things Twilight and TrueBlood, but my theory that we spawned a vampire isn't completely nuts. I will admit to spending too much time pondering this particular strain of thought, but stay with me for a minute and consider my points.

1/ She has teeth...lots and lots of sharp teeth. The Monkey has 8 teeth and she's only 8-months-old! I'm not kidding. Two are only partly through, but the 6 that have sprouted through are hard to miss. And they're SHARP! The Squid, in comparison, didn't get her first tooth until she was around 10-months-old and while it was sharp, she has nothing on her sister's teeth.

2/ She's fast. The monkey crawls like the wind and is trying so very hard to stand on her own, without any assistance from people, furniture. She can be across the house in the time it takes someone to open the blinds.

3/ She's beautiful. This actually goes w/o saying. Both my girls are beautiful- whether one or both have some vampire in them. (Not that I'm biased or anything)

4/ She comes from a long line of Unitarian Universalists. So this one may be stretching a bit (okay, a lot), but she's being raised as a Unitarian Universalist. Both her parents are UU's, as are her maternal and paternal grandmothers, and one of her maternal great-grandmothers. Unitarian Universalism traces its early days to Transylvania.... you get my drift. Crazy, but you can't argue facts.

I could go on, but those are the main points. Seems too striking to ignore, yet is bound to get me locked up if I tell too many people... Back to reading "Dead to the World" interspersed w/ as much of Schiller's "On the Aesthetic Education of Man" as I can stand.

Friday, August 13, 2010

The monkey's new bed - and mommy's guilt

It has been almost 2 weeks since we moved the monkey into her own crib in her own room, yet I'm as conflicted now as I was that first night. I know that it was time - actually it was WAAAY past time to move her out of our bedroom, but I still miss having her in the little bassinet beside the bed. I still miss hearing her breathe in and out and listening to her shuffle around the bassinet to get comfortable.

I think it gets back to the mommy guilt that doesn't ever seem to escape. You know, the guilt that I only get a few hours a day with my girls because I have to work outside the home. Being a SAHM was never an option for me but that doesn't mean I don't feel bad about spending any time away from my children. It's hard to admit because I can't actually imagine not working outside the home. I love having daily contact with adults and feeling needed by people other than my blood relatives, but there are days when I wish I could stay home, take the girls to the park, make grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, and watch the Little Mermaid when the temp soared above 100 degrees. I still feel guilty, though.

I feel guilty taking 15 minutes to update this blog (thus, the few blog entries these past few months). I feel guilty going to the gym after work and leaving them w/ yet another caregiver. (thus, I pay for memberships at 2 gyms - the one at work so I can workout on my lunch break and 24 hour fitness- which I've had forever and consequently, pay so little that it would be a crime to not keep paying the monthly fee.) The squid actually loves going to the "indoor gym" on the weekends, but I'd rather spend the time I do have w/ them pushing the jogging stroller around the neighborhood than racing on the elliptical at the gym. If strangers knew about my guilt, they'd probably think I was Catholic or Jewish - but I'm not. I'm a born and bred Unitarian Universalist.

Enough with the pity party. Yes, I'm guilty of feeling guilty. What mother isn't?

I'll tell you what I don't feel guilty about. I don't feel guilty that:
1/ I don't cook nutritious meals for my family. My husband is a MUCH better cook and his meals are both nutritious and INCREDIBLE.
2/ I enjoy an occasional glass of wine and/or a margarita, even while I'm still nursing. French women do it and I consume enough food at dinner to more than make up for the tiny bit of alcohol that might grace my stomach.
3/ Our children go to bed later than many. When the cook doesn't get home until 7 or later, it's impossible to eat before 8 p.m. I like to say that we're on a European schedule! I don't feel guilty because we all eat together and we all eat the same thing - no chicken fingers and fries for the kids while the adults eat grilled chicken w/ asparagus and garlic jalapeno mashed sweet potatoes. We all eat the same thing or nothing.
4/And I don't feel guilty for loving my girls unconditionally. They deserve nothing less.