Monday, August 30, 2010

I survived a vampire mauling

It's true. A deliriously adorable female vampire we call "the Monkey" recently mauled my breast. I won't reveal which one, but needless to say, I have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it. There was nothing vindictive about the attack -- 8-month-old's don't know about vindictiveness -- but it hurt like hell and that evening's meal came to a quick end as the baby was put to bed and I retreated to the bathroom for antiseptic and an assortment of bandages.

Most of my friends think I've been spending too much time absorbing all-things Twilight and TrueBlood, but my theory that we spawned a vampire isn't completely nuts. I will admit to spending too much time pondering this particular strain of thought, but stay with me for a minute and consider my points.

1/ She has teeth...lots and lots of sharp teeth. The Monkey has 8 teeth and she's only 8-months-old! I'm not kidding. Two are only partly through, but the 6 that have sprouted through are hard to miss. And they're SHARP! The Squid, in comparison, didn't get her first tooth until she was around 10-months-old and while it was sharp, she has nothing on her sister's teeth.

2/ She's fast. The monkey crawls like the wind and is trying so very hard to stand on her own, without any assistance from people, furniture. She can be across the house in the time it takes someone to open the blinds.

3/ She's beautiful. This actually goes w/o saying. Both my girls are beautiful- whether one or both have some vampire in them. (Not that I'm biased or anything)

4/ She comes from a long line of Unitarian Universalists. So this one may be stretching a bit (okay, a lot), but she's being raised as a Unitarian Universalist. Both her parents are UU's, as are her maternal and paternal grandmothers, and one of her maternal great-grandmothers. Unitarian Universalism traces its early days to Transylvania.... you get my drift. Crazy, but you can't argue facts.

I could go on, but those are the main points. Seems too striking to ignore, yet is bound to get me locked up if I tell too many people... Back to reading "Dead to the World" interspersed w/ as much of Schiller's "On the Aesthetic Education of Man" as I can stand.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Not that the mother ever bites.